Black Author Showcase

Agents of Literary Change

First novel, first draft I am editing now so please forgive.

 

                                                                    Chapter One

I sat on the edge of my bed and cried until the tear ducts dried out. I held the pregnancy test in my hand hoping that a line would disappear. I grabbed my phone and called my boyfriend Marcus.

“Whaddup girl.”

“Bay we need to talk.”

“What’s wrong J-”

“- Nothing, I mean just come over Marcus.”

“I’m on my way to flint for a couple of days, talk to me.”

“Marcus, you love me right.”

“Yeah I love you, forever and always what’s wrong J you scaring me.”

“Marcus I’m Pregnant.”

Click.

I stared at the phone before calling him back constantly until he turned his phone off. I couldn’t believe that Marcus was acting like that we had been together for three years and he was treating me like I was another one of his groupie bitches. Marcus and I would always talk about how pretty our children would be with our nearly perfect genes. Marcus was six- foot -three dark brown skinned naturally wavy hair, honey color eyes and had a very muscular physique. I stood about five foot–four about hundred and twenty pounds, light peanut butter complexion, grey eyes, shoulder length hair and an hour glass shape. I had my mother’s body and my father’s features the only thing he ever gave me.

 

I felt so stupid I believed everything that Marcus said to me how we were going to get married move out of Detroit and have the perfect life together and here it is now that I need him he bitches out on me. My life was fucked I was sixteen, pregnant and the father of my child wanted nothing to do with it. I didn’t know how I would confess this to my mother or how I would care for this child. I grew up in a very strict Christian house hold and my mother was against abortions. I had so many thoughts running through my head kill myself, kill him, and kill this stupid ass baby that with my luck would come out looking just like him. I grabbed my phone and called my best friend Tasha.

“Hello.”

As soon as I heard her voice I began sobbing into the phone.

“Jade whats wrong?”

“Tasha I’m pregnant.”

“Oh my god J, are you serious?”

“Yes, Tasha I called that bitch Marcus and he hung up on me and turned his fucking phone off.”

“You want me to try to call him?”

“No fuck him I will take care of this baby on my own.”

“Jade I’m about to call him hold on.”

I really didn’t want to hear his voice or his sorry ass excuses. More importantly I couldn’t take him rejecting his responsibility again. Tasha clicked back over.

“The Sprint PCS number you have dialed is no longer in service.”

 

I began sobbing again.

“Jade you want me to come over there?”

“No. I’m about to take a bath and go to sleep.”

“Alright just call me in the morning.”

“Alright thanks Tash.”

“You welcome Jade.”

I hung up the phone and continued to sob. Tasha was more than just my best friend she was more of a sister and I knew she would be right there with me as I went through this. When my mother had to work late I was at her house. Her parents have always treated me like one of their own and her father was the only image of a real man that I’ve seen and maybe that’s why I was so hung up on Marcus.

 

 My life changed in a matter of moments I went from getting ready for my senior year to getting ready for mother hood alone. I always promised myself that I wouldn’t be another Detroit statistic as a teenage mother on aid for the rest of my life. I managed to maintain a three point eight average throughout high school and had a full ride scholarship when I went to college next year.  I heard my mother coming through the door. I hid the pregnancy test ran to the bathroom and washed my face. I looked up at the mirror and that five year old girl crying for her daddy not to leave stared back at me. My father was in and out of my life and I didn’t want my child to have to go through that. I put a cold face cloth to my face to reduce the puffiness before I went out there with my mom.

“Jade – Jade”

 

My mother was in the kitchen with take out. My mother and I were the best of friends it was only us two and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. I could talk to my mother about anything and I knew that she would love me just the same but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I was pregnant by Marcus.

“Hey ma here I come.”

I took one last look in the mirror took a deep breath and walked out the bathroom. We sat down and had dinner my momma grabbed my favorite Chinese food which made it even harder to tell her. After dinner we sat down and watched our favorite movie The Color Purple. I looked over at my mother and thought about how hard she worked for me and the efforts she made to make sure that we had an open relationship and I was holding this secret from her.

“Ma I gotta tell you something.”

She paused the movie.

“Whats wrong Jade?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Jade no baby”

“I’m so sorry mama I swear I am.”

My mom hugged me and we both broke into tears. She asked me if I had told Marcus after I told her what happened she assured me that God never made a mistake and that we would make it. That night I could hear my mother in the living room of our two bedroom apartment crying as I laid in my bed with tears running down my cheek. I knew that I broke my mother’s heart she was a perfect mother she finished nursing school carrying me to every class she made sure that I was in church every Sunday even if she had to work and I knew I let her down.

 

The next morning Tasha and I went to the mall to put in some job applications and it seemed like everywhere we turned it was either somebody pregnant or pushing a baby around. I couldn’t believe that in just nine months that would be me. As we were walking out the mall I locked eyes with this tall light skinned gorgeous nigga with natural curly hair walking inside. Marcus was my first and only boyfriend and he convinced me that everything I heard about niggas not being shit was true. As we walked towards the bus stop I

could hear somebody running behind us. I turned around and it was the nigga I had just locked eyes with moments before.

“Tasha girl he is following us.”

Tasha turned around and laughed.

“Do you want to talk to him?”

Honestly, I did but who wants another niggas responsibilities?

“Yeah, kind of.”

“Slow the hell down then.”

We both laughed. I stopped walking and turned around given him a chance to catch up.

“Damn you walk fast.”

He smiled before bending down to catch his breath. After he caught his breath he walked with me to the bus stop. He really made me feel a lot better cracking jokes on the people at the bus stop among other things.

“Well thank you for the company ms.-?”

“Jade.”

“Jade you have a beautiful name I’m Skyy.”

“Nice meeting you Skyy.”

“So what time are you going to be ready?”

“For -”

“Our date.”

“We have a date?”

“I mean if you insist.”

He laughed. I gave him my number and got on the Dexter bus.

 

Views: 28

Replies to This Discussion

Hi T. Gabrielle: The flow of your story seems stunted. There are too many sentences that run on for way too long. Your dialouge is right on point though, and seems to compensate for the lack of flow. I want the story to be told by the characters, not the narative. In describing your characters looks, give the reader the dialouge description. Show me the story, don't tell it to me. Also, check your mechanics. Dot your I's, and cross your T's. Do your homework. Look for ways to engage the reader in the story by way of your characters. And don't be afraid to give your protagonist some glaring flaws. Overall, I thought you did a bang-up job. Keep writing.  

I like that it had drama as soon as you open to chaper one! There is the use of too many I's. I already knew in the first of couple of sentences you were and who point view was telling the story.

    I felt so stupid I believe everything that Marcus another way: It was so stupid of me to believe everything that Marcus said to me.

 

Thank you all for the feedback I needed it. I have made changes based off of such. Thanks again

RSS

SPAM IS SO NOT COOL!

Please do not greet everyone on the site with large images and announcements of your book or business. Yes, you want to tell the world, but learn the fine art of subtlety. A simple welcome and signature/link is fine. Let them ask you for more.
We have lost numerous members because of the amount of 'friend' mail they instantly receive. This Hurts Everyone.
Spam is unsolicited advertising, whether it is posted as comments on other members' pages or is emailed for marketing purposes.

Please be considerate. Post your advertisement in the proper Articles/Forum or Group. There are free classifieds on the Pages tab. You can post your information on your profile and even update your blog as often as you like.

We are not into censorship, so please don't make us ask you to leave. Be kind and unselfish - don't spam.
SPAMMING IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED

Cyber Tech Tips for Writers

↑ Grab this Headline Animator

Get It, Mail It, Share It! Fresh BAS - Share the Literary Love

Click Here to DONATE TODAY!

Let the Black Author Showcase come to you: Subscribe to the Articles Newsletter

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner

Submit to RestNews.COM

Share This On Your Website

© 2014   Created by Diane.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service